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Please select a reason for escalating this post to the WTE moderators: Connect with our community members by starting a discussion. As a mum you can still have a wonderful close relationship with sons, without that competition element that can exist between two females. I'm still mourning the fact that my daughter will never grow up. I'll still teach my boys how to have a tea party and wear the crown.
Ever since I had my second son, who is most likely our last child, I have been feeling a deep sadness about not having a daughter in my life. I get annoyed when I receive children's clothes catalogues (esp Boden and Vertbaudet) with pages of beautiful girls stuff and boys boring beige and stripes filling a few pages at the end. No, we really were not trying for a girl. Would I be making up for what I felt like was lost in my childhood? I wouldn't know what it was like to have a daughter of my own.
I could have kids and chase my dream but there's no way I'd ever have the time or energy to be a good parent. As the depression lifts, the person slowly starts acting more like him- or herself again. My son is 19 months and I wouldn't change a thing about him. They started off with twin boys, so, naturally, hoped their third would be a baby girl. The relationship we have with them has nothing to do with their sex/gender and it wouldn't be them any different if they were boys. Why wasn't I meant to have a girl? I do know the last sounds she heard before she died: the beating of my heart, the whoosh of air through my lungs. They are both so different and similar and I get equally amazing things from both of them, so the richness of our individual relationships is immensely fulfilling and I would not even say it fills up a non-girls hole, as there was not one to fill, does that make sense? This can be especially true of pregnant women, who have hormone fluctuations, sometimes don't feel well, and can be overwhelmed by what's ahead.
Was this article helpful? I realized then that this would only happen if I stopped treating myself the same way my mother did. I was cold, distant, and unresponsive. To be the mom that baked cookies on a random Tuesday for no good reason other than cookies hot out of the oven are my ultimate comfort food. When children don't have answers to their questions, they tend to come up with their own, which may be incorrect and scary! I am mindful of the men I would like them to develop into and I try to nurture their characters and abilities and their self-esteem in a well rounded way. But as soon as the ultrasound technician moved down to the bottom half of his little body, it was clear what was going on. A few friends of mine were pregnant around the same time and after they started having babies, I had a flood of different emotions like sadness, excitement, grief, but mostly relief, which made me feel even more guilty. My grief has been complicated by incessant guilt. Our kids are spread out in age. And as a mother of girls i'd just like to say i adore little boys and hate that attitude spoken about upthread. It can be very hard living with a parent who is depressed because that person may do or say things that make children feel bad or confused. Can you catch depression? It really bugs me that I think about it so much.
Now I'm surrounded by boys. I always hated gender stereotypes and fought to be seen as capable of anything and not to have to live up to certain ideals. I had a boy and love him to pieces but always dreamed of having a little girl. Dh and I have bets that ds1 will turn out gay so I may be spared one daughter in law at least. In the past, I've been told, by men, that I'll change my mind when I'm older. I'm told that my son is growing well and that he's healthy and active.
"Her poor children deserve a better mother. Children should understand that depression does not cause the body to stop working, like a heart attack might - so no, it doesn't kill people. Recently I read online that term babies in utero can cry. Not because they're boys, but because they are my world. This information will help prepare you (whether you are the well parent, the parent with depression, a grandparent, or another adult in the child's life) to take the first step. I'd be a mom of boys for the rest of my life. I have 3 boys and have/do feel similarly to you at times. My therapist and I both believe there are a number of reasons I feel like this: my mom and I were very close and the thought of losing her without having another mother/daughter connection to replace her with terrifies me.
Depression is not a weakness. We named her Ruthie. I loathe myself for wishing I had a daughter. And the most excruciating part of it all has been that I've mostly suffered in silence. I have been grieving, deeply, for the past two and a half years. Sometimes the depression comes back, and it can be treated again. It doesn't mean we are bad mothers. "Often people find that they had been fantasizing about being a parent to a little girl, or being a parent to a little boy, " Mayrides said, "and because our culture operates on a lot of gender stereotypes as shortcuts, it can feel destabilizing and difficult to change your mindset when you now have to incorporate this other factor that, perhaps subconsciously, you were giving so much weight.